Choose Hope

 Christopher Reeve said, “Once we choose hope, anything is possible.”  We special parents have good days and bad days with our children, but our best days are those filled with hope.  Hope for the here and now along with hope for our child’s future.  I feel we must understand that hope is a choice—people that don’t ever have to think about reaching inside themselves to grasp some hope to get through a day probably don’t realize it is a choice.  The alternative would be focusing on the negative, the “what ifs”, the “cant’s”, or the “wont’s”...as a parent, those words cannot be in our vocabulary in order for us to pass on the light of hope that our children so desperately need, so they can dig deep within themselves and call upon it whenever they may need it.  It would be making the conscious choice to dwell on all the things our kids can’t do, instead of the things they can do.  If that is what we chose, what kind of message would we be sending to our children?

      

With the multiple physician and/or therapy appointments we take our kids to, all too often the focus is on what our children are not capable of, and a professional’s opinion is usually all we have to get us through any particular day.  While many, many professionals give us hope, there are many days we have to have our own sense of hope when those appointments don’t go the way we had expected. That “piece” of hope is based on what we know our children are capable of (after all, no one knows our kids better than we do...), not what the expert we see on any particular day has to say about them. If you are surrounded by family and friends that are hopeful, it is much easier to “find” our hope when we need it...

      

Our kids will always look to us for an example, for empowerment, and encouragement...if our light of hope would dim for any reason, we may be unwillingly deterring their progress that day—or we may be altering their self esteem and not even realize it.  We must lead by example and look towards them with positive expectancy. 

Our kids have dreams and wishes just like all kids; obviously, we have to be realistic as to not frustrate them, but if we expect great things for them, they will always be sure of themselves and know that they can and will do anything they want to....and if their body or mind limits them in any way, they will always have our loving support and encouragement that stems from that constant light of hope inside us. That hope can present itself as many different things to different people at any given moment—it may appear to you when you see your child do the smallest thing that you may have been working on for months, or when they have met goals above and beyond your expectations—that unbelievably wonderful feeling that comes over you that you just can’t quite explain to someone in words (I know the feeling very well!)...That is the feeling of expectancy beyond belief. That is what our children need more than anything at times. That is the hope I’m challenging you to find, or if you have already found it—embrace it with all of the energy inside of you... I know first hand that the smallest light of hope can get us through even the darkest day...have you made your choice?   

Choose hope and anything will be possible...

~Maria

Flip-Flop Moments

During this hot, sun-filled summer,  I am very grateful for flip-flops. Yes, flip-flops. I am very grateful for the skill it takes to keep them on your feet, and the sound they make as you walk. I never used to be so fond of them—until last year.

 I’m sure all of you reading this have had the experience of wearing a pair of flip-flops. And I’m also sure that it is an uneventful, subconscious experience for you.

Well, for my daughter, it was a learned skill that took a few weeks, and since she is used to always wearing tennis shoes with braces, it was a huge accomplishment for her.

So, for weeks last summer, I allowed her to wear them in the house only, just so she would take her time and not fall. Even though she was insistent on trying them, I was hesitant because her therapist voiced how awful they are for her feet, and suggested it was not a good idea. But because she wants to be just like her friends, she wanted to learn. So how could I deny her the right to be like everyone else?

Recently we had to run to the grocery store for just a couple of items—and she proceeded to the door in her flip flops—and for once, I did not object. When she realized I was going to allow her to wear them out of the house, she was elated and thanked me the entire way to the store!

The simplest thing that we take for granted all summer long, brought her such joy.

We went to the store, and she took her time, proudly looking down at her feet often. And, in the midst of the hustle and bustle of the people in the store, a quiet miracle of our own was occurring. I started to cry a soft, grateful, joy-filled cry, right there in the middle of the store. My heart was full as I watched her accomplish this big task.

This week, what are your flip-flops?

What are the things that have happened in your son or daughter’s world that would definitely be a miracle to you and your family?

If you are unsure, my prayer this week is that you will be able to recognize when something remarkable has happened, no matter how insignificant it may look to the world—and want to celebrate and share it with others! Our kids’ successes will motivate other special parents to keep hoping, and look toward their next “flip-flop” moment.

I know some special moms that are patiently waiting for their child to put a simple sentence together, while some are praying for the ability to sit up or walk. For them, a new word or a strengthened muscle can turn into a day of celebration.

I also know a very special mom who is currently waiting patiently for her son’s miracle while praying his new blood will save his life.

Yes, save his life. So, I’m certain she finds way to celebrate each tiny accomplishment or good report from the doctor during his very long hospital stay.

Each hope-filled day breeds the next, and the next….and each celebration makes her a stronger, more special mom.

I feel it is so important for us to share our special children’s astonishing miracles with “typical” parents—not so they will feel pity for us or our kids, but so they will in turn be grateful for all of the things their kids do automatically, and feel very blessed that they do. Our kids were put on this earth not just to make us better, stronger parents, but to show others their exceptional, silent strength.

We all have to be ready and waiting for these moments, and not give up hope that they will happen for our child. All of these miracles are unique in their own way—some may look more important than others, but at the root of them lay the same thing—special parents’ hopes coming to life before their eyes--Moments that we have prayed for coming to fruition can’t be taken lightly, and deserve to be celebrated.

I firmly believe that faith is the basis of things we hope for… So don’t be afraid to have faith—it will breed hope, and will automatically set the stage for your next flip-flop moment.

Are you ready?

~Maria

“Faith is the substance of things hoped for; evidence of things not yet seen” Heb. 11:1

Deep Breaths

     Do you know what it means to have time to yourself? Can you remember the last time you did something just for you? No kids, no significant other, just you? If the next few minutes as you’re reading this are the closest thing to you having time to yourself recently, please pay attention....we moms have to take care of ourselves in order to take care of our families...I think my husband says it best, “When Mommy is happy, everyone is happy!”

     
 I am very passionate about this subject because even though I work full time, I still need “me” time—and my family needs me to have it!  I am a much better mother and wife when I get time each week that is just mine.  I know some of you are thinking, “I don’t have anyone that I can leave my child with that will take care of him or her the way I do...my child just has too many needs, I probably wouldn’t be able to relax if I did get any time away...” I know these words are true for so many of you, and I’m not suggesting by any means that you take time away from your child’s daily needs or routines if it is impossible, but what I am saying is to try each day to take small steps toward time for yourself...even if it is taking a shower without any interruptions (I’m sure for many of you, it is a plus even if you get to go to the bathroom without anyone needing anything!).  I know a very special mom that explained to me how when her daughter first went to school with her aide, she would stand by the window and watch them get on through the window, and as the bus rode off, she would stand by  the window and look at the peacefulness of the morning, and just take a few deep breaths...that was her time, no one else’s...you see, most of her days were filled with thoughts of wondering if her daughter would make it through the school day without having any seizures, or that if she would be able to tolerate being at school the entire day...but for those few moments after she got on the bus, this mom got her own time the only way she could, knowing that she would face the obstacles of her day better if she took those few deep breaths.

     
 If you can start with small things, eventually you can ease you way to more time.  Take a walk around the block, or even just down the driveway. 

Go outside and enjoy the weather.  Listen to music that is just yours...find the one thing that brings you a sense of peace.  I believe if we do these kinds of things every day, we are more productive with our kids, and our thoughts automatically are driven toward positive things; and isn’t that our main focus every day? If we can’t have positive hope for our kids, than who can?  We must nurture ourselves any way we can to stay in that state of positive expectancy...We owe it to our kids.  They deserve it, and so do we!

~Maria