I have come to a place of accepting the disability that has entered my daughter’s world, and embracing the person that she is. I have learned to stop mourning the person she might have been, and instead grown to celebrate the amazing, smart, beautiful girl she is. I recently realized that there are several stages of acceptance, and I think I have graduated to the final phase of it.
You may be reading this thinking, “Wow, I’m not ready to celebrate this disability that is part of my child just yet.” And that’s OK...
My daughter turned eleven this month, and I am just starting to embrace this season I am entering. It’s actually a freeing feeling. I spent many days in the “why me”, “why her” stage….and I am ready to start a fresh new path of this journey that I have been on, and finally see all of the beautiful landscape that surrounds this life of ours.
Wherever you are on your journey, my prayer this week is that you learn something new about the stage of accepting the disability that has become part of your world, and look forward to your many celebrations that are yet to come. This, like all of the other stops on our path, doesn’t come quickly or easily. It has many benefits, and I have learned that you need to go through many twists and turns in the road to get to just the perfect angle to see all the beauty that surrounds us.
It’s like the times when you are driving, and happen to look up at the sky—and you notice all of the hues that are encompassing the clouds. Sometimes there are shades of pink, purple, and orange that take your breath away. In those moments, we see beauty that could not have been created by anything on this earth. It happens naturally, thanks to the weather conditions at the time. These moments usually happen after a storm, when there is just enough moisture in the air, and the sun starts to reappear. Sometimes, you may even catch a glimpse of a rainbow. They happen so fast, that if you don’t take a minute to shift your focus from your destination to the beauty that is right in front of you, you may miss it.
That’s what we tend to do as special parents. We spend most of our time and energy thinking about and focusing on the destination and the questions that fill up our days—“What will my child’s adult life be like?”, “Is this the decision that is best for my child’s future progress?”,etc…..
We spend so much energy on the journey looking toward the future that we don’t see the present. And the precious present is what helps us accept and embrace each and every moment, rather than worrying about the future.
We naturally are the best crisis-driven parents on earth. We have weathered all kinds of storms, and we are always ready for the next challenge. It’s part of who we have become. But I have realized that the best things have come for us as a family after the biggest storms. I have become an expert at looking for a rainbow in the midst of the thunder and lightening that is an automatic part of special parenting.
The most amazing thing I’ve realized is that once you get in the moment, catch your breath, and look up at all the wonderful things your child is capable of doing, you get to enjoy the beautiful landscape of your life.
Not just for the moment.
But for a lifetime.
Once you start accepting and embracing your child completely, you won’t have to look very hard to see the rainbows, they’ll surround you.
~Maria
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