I Have Been There

When you are raising a child with special needs, you see the world in a whole new way—because our kids have changed the make-up of our hearts, the way in which we respond to things around us has changed. Things that used to bother or frustrate us, seem very minor now, situations or crises that arise, are not as catastrophic as they used to be. We are changed people, thanks to our extraordinary children.

I believe that God chose us to be special parents for many reasons. But the one that stands out for me the most this month is the fact that he chose us to be an example for others—to let our light shine, regardless of the struggles we have been through with our child, and to appreciate each and every moment, encounter, and circumstance in our life.

After all, others are watching—from the very new special parent, to the typical parent that is eager to learn everything about parenthood. Those parents we encounter on a day-to-day basis—either at work, at our child’s school, or picking up our cup of coffee in the morning—they are all watching. I use every encounter with a parent to show them that they will be OK on this journey, because I have been there.

I have been there when the outcome of a hospital stay is uncertain, and indescribable fear has taken over my entire being.

I have been there when I had to trust professionals that are encouraging me that my child will make progress—even when I could see no results.

I have been there when transitioning to pre-school and kindergarten feels like someone has taken our world and turned it upside-down, and we have to say our goodbyes, and once again, trust.

I have been there when the hopes and dreams that I once had for my baby girl were forever altered.

And I have been there when I learned to enjoy dreaming new dreams for my extra-special little girl.

Because we special parents have had more experiences than most parents, we have learned to take nothing for granted. We appreciate each and every goal our child has met—no matter how small. Each sound, glance, step, or day of stable health is considered a victory to us. And as we grow into more seasoned parents, we automatically become more grateful human beings. You see, the gratefulness, thanks to our amazing children, almost subconsciously spills over into every area of our lives. All of a sudden (or maybe over time, depending on your circumstances), the trivial misfortunes that come with this life don’t seem to bother us as much as they used to. We become people with not only changed hearts on the inside, but on the outside, too.

We’ve learned to be happy to be alive each and every day—to see each and every beam of sunshine that falls on us. To stop and not only smell the flowers, but to enjoy how our kids react to them. To truly see all that God has given us in the world around us, in our families, in our workplace—through all of our encounters.

When we set this example for other parents, our lights shine the most. They can see clearly then, that our children are not a burden to our lives, but a blessing. And that blessing is not only spreading into our families, but to all that we come in contact with.  Each and every conversation is an opportunity to spread the joy and love that naturally flows down from gratitude, and can ultimately change the way others see the world, too. I am in awe of the people that are placed into my path each and every day that I can spread this blessing to, through my daughter.

Just imagine what our world would look like if all of the special parents would share their “I have been there” moments with others, and in turn, spread the blessing.

My prayer today is that you will be driven to do just that.

Trust me, the results will be amazing—I have been there. 

We have to remember, all that we go through...He has been there, too...

Mark Schultz says it perfectly in his song "I Have Been There" 
http://youtu.be/fX20vnf5hH4


~Maria

Don't Walk Alone

 How connected are you with other families that also have a child with special needs?

Have you sought out groups or play dates with other families like yours?

If you’re not sure that you would be receptive to being with other special families, my hope is that my words will give you a start in deciding if now is the right time for you to seek out other parents.

Know you are not alone.

The sooner you realize that, the better you will be.

At the start of any special parenting journey, we all feel alone. We have all kinds of thoughts and worries that are specific to the fact that we had not planned for this journey…

We think, “I must be the only parent in the world that had to take this detour.” The truth is, most of us did not plan on taking this trip, and we do all we can to gather the strength to endure each minute of it. I know it is a very bumpy and exhausting road in the beginning, but the more steps you take forward, the smoother it becomes--And any journey in life is so much smoother when you are surrounded by others that have walked the same path.

Some special families are able to jump right into asking around for other parents that they can talk to shortly after they learn their child is not typically developing, and other families like to wait until they are completely comfortable talking about this unanticipated journey.

Either way, when you are ready, you will know.

I say it often that no matter what the disability that has made its way into your life is called, the feelings surrounding accepting it are all the same. They mimic the feelings that people go through that are mourning any kind of loss—Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.Even if you are not totally and completely in the acceptance stage, you can still reach out to other people for help. Many families I have met over the years have told me that the reason they did not seek out other parents was because they didn’t feel ready to talk about the disability to anyone—let alone a stranger. And once they connected with others, they always end up saying they wish they would have had done it sooner.

We have all been in all of these stages at one point or another. And often, we go back and forth in and out of stages---we must remember that we are all human, and all of our hearts were changed forever when we learned our child had a disability.

Know this—you don’t have to have it “all together” to connect with other special families—none of us have it all together one hundred percent of the time!

  

One of the most important reasons we need each other is so we can all know and realize that we are not, in fact, going crazy—there are other parents in the world that are also on this journey that can often feel like a roller coaster ride.

I encourage you to ask your child’s physicians, early intervention coordinators, teachers, therapists—anyone that is guiding your journey—for suggestions and information on how to get connected to other families that may  not necessarily be on the exact same path as you are, but that have had the privilege of walking on this road that we are all on.

I do consider this journey with my daughter a privilege—because had she not been diagnosed with a disability, I would not have found out what true faith in God is, and would not have found many, many true friends that walk beside me.