In my 16 years of parenting, I truly think that I believed everyone else's children were going to grow up and mine were going to stay little. But at the same time, in the back of my mind, I wanted to make sure they grow up to be independent, productive members of society. So the only logical explanation of my mind thinking about both of these concepts at the same time can be boiled down to one word : Denial.
I consider myself to be a realist--give me facts, I will do everything in my power to help and support those facts with faith and expectancy. I never really thought of myself as one that could take up residence with denial for very long, but obviously I have lived there for quite some time.
When my son, now almost 16, was a baby, all I wanted was for him to sleep through the night. If only he would sleep, I could enjoy the next stage of his life. Even though it took over a year for him to sleep through the night, I then started looking towards the next stage of his development. If only he could do this or that, THEN I would start to enjoy him--truly enjoy him. Unfortunately, I wished away every year to get to the next.
And when he came home ecstatic about his new driver's permit last month I wept. I wept because in my mind, he was never going to be old enough to drive a car. Right? That's what denial told me! How could this actually be happening?
And as I watch my daughter, now almost 13, do things independently without needing me, I can't believe my eyes. Since she has muscle tone issues in her hand and leg, I made sure her whole life that I helped her reach her goals, one at a time, by getting her therapy, working with her at home, etc...I prayed for the day she would walk. When most parents are hoping their two year old will say small sentences, I was hoping she would walk.
And she did walk.
Then at age three when most parents are hoping their child will be potty trained, I was hoping she would talk.
And she did talk.
She does everything in her own timing, on her terms. She has surprised us over and over again these past 13 years. And lately, she doesn't need me in the same ways she used to. While I have been praying all her life that she would be able to care for herself and be independent, at the same time, I didn't think this day would come. Denial again.
This season of parenting is very uncomfortable for me. I guess I need to be needed. (It's an Italian mother thing, I think).
But as my wise friend told me recently, "They still need you, just in different ways". It has become my new mantra, and I have chosen to believe it.
So just as I celebrated milestones and birthdays with them over the years, I am choosing to embrace this season. I choose to enjoy them (even though they are both teenagers) and be proud of their achievements. And at the same time, look forward to the young adults they will become.
I have made myself take a step back and be thankful for the Mom they have molded me into-- A Mom that has too many blessings to count, and one who recognizes the clock is ticking...and there's no time for denial.
~Maria
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